Have you ever felt your heart breaking into a thousand different pieces and your chest falling apart and you just can’t breathe? Have you ever loved someone so bad but in the end it just shattered your world and your heart like broken glass that you feel you could never put back together. And all you want to do is just to be OK and let go of the pain… But how?
Healing Your Heart
Healing from a heartbreak is no easy feat. It requires lots of determination, crying, loads of ice cream and maybe a few bottles of wine. You will go through stages, such as grief, denial, anger, bargaining, misery, letting go and finally acceptance. But the important thing to remember is that it is a process. You can just be OK after a break up unless you never felt anything for the other person.
To heal your heart, you must accept that you have been hurt and wounded. You must allow yourself to feel the pain of that wound. Once you do this, the healing begins.
Stages Of A Heartbreak
When your heart gets broken, whether from a failed relationship, an unrequited love or being strung around by someone, you have to go through the motions of letting go.
Letting go is never easy and it takes a lot of will power to bounce back from the gloom and doom of all the hurt and misery.
1. Grief
When your heart shatters, you basically feel intense pain. Sometimes this pain is not just psychological or emotional, but also physical. The pain radiates from your chest like a sledgehammer crushing your ribs and travels down your limbs all the way to your fingers and toes.
Being pained by the loss of love can be equivalent to the pain of someone you love dying or even being physically hurt and broken. Grief consumes your being and it eats you whole. It causes you so much sadness that you just stop functioning properly. You want to hide in your blankets all day and just eat ice cream for the rest of your life.
But even if the pain of grief is crushing and destructive, you have to go through it. You have to feel it and accept that it is part of the healing process. Without grief, there will be no acceptance.
2. Denial
Denying that you guys broke up or that he or she doesn’t like you or denying that you ever loved him or her happens. You tell yourself things and you lie to yourself just to push away the grief. You start getting back on your feet and you begin to see the world again. You think that it was just a bad dream. Sometimes, you imagine that you are still together and that it was just a “small” issue that caused you to break up. Or you tell yourself that he or she really likes you, something like that.
Denial is part of the process of healing because it allows you to cope with all the pain and grief you are feeling. It gives you the sanity to be whole again. Sometimes we lie to ourselves to be able to bounce back. The important thing though is for you to let go of the denial at some point and face the facts and move on.
3. Anger
Being angry is normal. You will be very angry and that is OK. It’s OK to scream. It’s normal to want to drown your pain in alcohol, with sleeping around with strangers to get even, with eating loads of junk food and with breaking things.
Believe me, you will feel an immense amount of anger. You will be angry with yourself and you will be angry with your love interest. You will be cruel. And it’s normal because you’ve been hurt.
But the key to healing is acknowledging your anger but letting it go and not letting it rule your psyche. You have to control your emotions and be sane about your actions. Remember that harming yourself or harming others will not lead to anything good.
4. Bargaining
At one point or another, you may find yourself grovelling or negotiating for you guys to get back together. You will list down all the reasons why it is better for you to be together. You will also bargain with yourself. You will tell yourself things to get up in the morning and reason with your sanity for you to be OK.
It’s OK to bargain, but you have to remember, are you winning from this deal?
5. Misery
In all the stages, misery or depression is the hardest one to deal with. It eats you alive and destroys your sanity. It breaks your soul and makes you dysfunctional. In order to get back from this stage, you need a strong support system. You need your friends and your family. You need something to occupy your mind for you to stop obsessing about the pain you’re feeling.
The journey out of misery takes a lot of strength. Sometimes, this strength may not even come from you but from those who care for you. You have to hang in there and move forward.
6. Letting Go and Acceptance
The ultimate part of the healing process is letting go and acceptance. When you finally let go of the pain and accept that that love was never meant to be, then you become free. You become free from pain and heartache.
To let go means to accept that you have once loved, but in the end, it did not work out. You do not deny that you have once loved him or her, you just accept that the relationship, or the feelings or the situation wasn’t working out and things had to end.
When you come to this point, you finally reached a full circle and allow your soul to be whole again.
Being OK After A Painful Heartache
When you experience a breakup or being rejected or being ghosted, you get hurt. You suffer and you drown. But pains is not forever and you will be whole again.
Here are a few things you can do to feel better:
1. Self-care – Start taking of yourself again. Go shopping. Go to the spa. Watch your favorite show
2. Find support – You are not alone. Your friends are there. Your family has got your back. You are never alone. And if you feel that there is no one there for you, consult a psychic, a psychologist or any professional who will listen to you and give you sound advice
3. Get into a hobby – This may sound so cliche’ or so corny but doing something you love really helps manage the pain.
4. Focus on your career – Sometimes, when we fall in love our careers take a back seat. So, why not power back up your work life and get your career back on track.
5. Travel – Traveling eases the pain. It gives you an exciting avenue to experience new things and meet new people.
6. Date – Yes, you heard that right! Date again! It might help you recover better and faster. And you might even find a better love affair this time.
You Will Be OK
Right now, you may be hurting so bad that you feel you can never ever be OK again. But, you will be OK. Your heart will stop breaking and you will put back the broken pieces together. You will be happy once more. Just trust your heart and slowly let go.
