If your single status has left you feeling sexually deprived and the prospect of adding another vibrator or adult movie to your collection bores you, maybe it’s time to explore your options. A friends-with-benefits arrangement can leave you satisfied, glowing and happy (which certainly beats frustrated and prone to overeating in front of your television set.)
Before settling down with my Love King, I had my share of Friends with Benefits (FWB’s for short!). I learned, through trial and error, that there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about having this kind of relationship. Here I’ll discuss that and also show you the best and easiest ways to find a FWB.
I’ll also explain the best way for men and women to approach someone you like and get them to be begging to be your special friend!
You lucky readers get to learn from mine and my friends’ mistakes so you can avoid the pitfalls and skip straight to the pleasures of having a FWB 🙂 . So forthwith, here are my tips and advice, based on hard-won wisdom.
(A note to wanna be pick up artists or PUAs – being a good pick up artist takes a Hell of a lot of work, and even then many pick up artists end up lonely and not able to relate to women properly. Guys, there is an easier and better way, read on or just click on the link below if you want to find out how to get all kinds of women lusting after you without loads of effort.)
1. Be honest with yourself
About your emotional and sexual style. If you’re the kind of person who can’t have sex without falling in love, then FWB is not for you. I want to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with this. After all, science has proven that for many of us, this is a natural chemical response to sex. (Google oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, if you’re unfamiliar with this phenomenon.)
2. Who to choose
Finding an FWB may mean expanding your search field. If the parameters you use for looking for someone, either online or in real life, are based on your Prince/Princess Charming ideal, try developing more flexibility when looking for a friend with benefits.
While you might want your soulmate to share everything from your taste in movies to your political convictions to your religion, those criteria are less necessary when it comes to an FWB, in fact I often found that this really helped me to separate love and sex because whilst liking the person is important, you don’t want to end up loving them and this is easier if you have different ideals. If there’s someone in your life you like with but could never consider as “marriage material”, that person might be perfect as your FWB.
You might wish to choose a friend you already have, this is risky, why potentially ruin a perfectly good friendship? On the other hand if you’re not that great friends anyway then maybe its fine!
3. Don’t do couples activities.
If you think an FWB relationship would work for you, consider what kind of activities signal “boyfriend/girlfriend/lover” to you. You’ll want to avoid including these in the time you spend with your chosen playmate. For example, for many people, cooking together rather than ordering take-out feels too “relationship-y.”
Easiest Way to Find a friend with benefits
One word – Tinder!
Other ways to find your friends with benefits
Learn how to seduce people you meet
So what if you don’t want to try the sites I’ve listed above or any other kind of online dating, but instead would like to become friends with benefits with someone you see in the gym, or at a class, at the supermarket or even at work (be careful with this lat one though, could get messy!). In that case you need to know how to talk to a man or a woman.
Men – How to talk to women and get her to lust after you.
For you men in particular this can be tricky because if you say the wrong thing you can get knocked back angrily by a women which in turn can dent your confidence. Men what you need to do is learn the right way to approach a woman to get a sexual relationship. Do it the wrong way and you will look sleazy, do it the right way and you will be enjoying those benefits for as long as you both want. Men – Find out exactly how to get a girl you like to be desperate to sleep with you.
Women – How to get the man you like to desire you
Men assume that its very easy for a woman to get a guy to sleep with her, and guess what, they are right! But you have to know what you are doing. I know that many of us get shy, or don’t know the right thing to say, and can actually end up repelling men when we are in need of a bit of sexual attention! (I know this because it happened to me many years ago and I ended up scaring men away, the longer it went on the worse it got!). Well there is a right way and a wrong way to go about all this, but here you can find out all about the right things to say to a man. Women – Find out the things to say to get a man begging to be your friend with benefits
You might want to change your online dating search criteria to include not only currently single people but married folks. No, I’m not suggesting you become someone’s mistress (or whatever the male equivalent to that may be—the word “master” conveys something else entirely, doesn’t it?).
Many married folks who have profiles on dating sites identify as polyamorous, meaning the spouses in question have agreed their marriage does not require sexual monogamy. This can be an ideal opportunity for sexual people seeking FWB’s. Unfortunately, some duplicitous married people claim the polyamorous or open marriage labels, even though they are simply cheating. There’s a fairly simple test to weed out these dishonest opportunists. A person who is truly polyamorous won’t mind introducing you to his/her long-term partner.
People Just Passing Through
People in town for only a short period of time can also make great friends with benefits. If you meet someone attractive whose work or school commitment puts them in town for only a year or a semester, go ahead and make your move. And of course if you’re the one who is only in town for a brief period, then you are perfectly positioned for an FWB situation. Limiting the term of this kind of arrangement can prevent either of you becoming too deeply emotionally invested.
What to do when you’ve found your FWB
1. After finding someone, discuss your mutual expectations.
2. Set up some ground rules.
An FWB relationship requires a mutual understanding of boundaries. Explicitly talk about what each of you wants from the arrangement. Are you looking exclusively for a f**k-buddy? Or do you want someone you’d get together with as you would with any other friend, for dinner, bowling, a Dr. Who marathon or whatever else—but with the added bonus of sex?
It may seem tempting to postpone this kind of discussion, especially if there’s strong sexual chemistry between you and your friend with benefits. After all, writhing and moaning in ecstasy has more appeal than having a serious conversation. However, failing to set up boundaries can lead to resentment later on, which in worst case scenarios can manifest as someone re-enacting the bunny soup scene in Fatal Attraction.
Define your friendship early, before either of you has an opportunity to develop any illusions about this arrangement. Make sure you are both on the same page—otherwise, one of you might assume it’s all about booty calls while the other one has fantasies about bringing the other home to meet the parents.
3. Keep the relationship playful.
Generally speaking, your FWB should not be the person in whom you confide your darkest fears, most painful memories or fragile dreams for the future. These kind of confidences tend to create a sense of emotional intimacy which runs counter to the lighthearted mood of successful FWB relationships. The only exception is if you feel certain that you and your FWB both want to move beyond the original limitations of the relationship. And by “feel certain,” I mean you have both discussed this explicitly, not that your tarot cards have told you what she/he really wants.
4. Discuss sexual health openly and practice safe sex.
No matter how alluring you find your FWB or how long it has been since you had sex, talk about health before ripping off his or her clothes. It’s best to know in advance if your partner has a health condition such as herpes, which can remain dormant for long periods of time and then suddenly recur without warning.
The no-strings nature of an FWB relationship means either of you is free to have sex with someone else. Since you can’t know about the health histories of your FWB’s other partners, it’s best to minimize your chances of contracting a disease.
Viewing a sex partner as a potential spouse causes some people to become inhibited and believe they can only have respectable, mainstream sex (whatever that is). If your sexual curiosity has led you to wonder about a particular kink or fetish, your new friend with benefits might be the perfect person to help you explore. Just make sure you have established a basic level of trust before trying out any whips or handcuffs!
OR for those that prefer to meet people in ‘the real world‘ watch these videos that explain the right things to say and discover what you definitely should NOT say when trying to get someone to be your friend with benefits