As you may have often heard, long term relationships require a lot of work and trust. But the word “work” tends to make it sound too boring or dry. Keeping the love alive despite the years can be challenging yet it can also be fruitful and rewarding. Many couples who have been able to survive the years have sworn to some secrets for keeping their marriages or relationships beautiful. I have come to realize that there are a few simple things to remember in order to keep the love buzz sizzling: trust, time, respect, sweetness, intimacy and mystery.
But going through long term relationships need to be arduous. You may find that as the relationship grows longer, it can also grow more beautiful and even more fun. A beautiful long term relationship should feel like going home after a hard day’s work; it should be sweet and full of serenity. It does not matter if this “home” is old and musty, but as long as it is “home” you will love going back to it.
What Are The Things That Keep Relationships Alive?
Well there are many things that keep the flame burning. Being in love with someone is a choice you must choose to make every day. Staying faithful and honourable are also requirements of a lasting partnership. Keeping in mind that it is always a choice to stay in a relationship is a big factor in being together for a long time.
Be happy with who you are – One of the most common relationship killers is being too insecure. A lot of people would forget who they were once they go into a relationship. They slowly lose their identities and become a part of the “we” rather than two “I”s that go together. You must be able to define you really are, because this will help you know what you need and want, You must also be happy for you are now and who you were before; melding the two points of your life together to become the present person that you are. You must stay away from moments of hating yourself. You may have aged, gained weight or became a little boring but you must learn to be happy with your own skin. Do not compare yourself with other. It is tiring to keep up with person who has a lot of self-negativity.
Never brush off your partner – Sometimes your partner wants to tell you a funny story but you are too busy that you just brush them off. Sometimes your partner feels really down and he or she just wants you to cheer him or her up but you’d rather watch TV. These little things are not so little at all. It hurts a lot to be taken for granted by someone you really love and think of as the person who will catch you when you fall. You need to give some time to listen to your spouse or partner so that he or she won’t go about looking for someone else to listen to him or her. You need to understand that even though these may seem trivial, being rejected is totally painful.
Respect your partner – Do not forget those simple things that you did for your partner before. Do not forget how gentle you once were when you spoke to him or her. He or she is not your door mat or punching bag to dump your dirt on. You need to learn to honour him or her. Be amiable and kind always even if you are upset or even if you are having a fight. Try to talk to your partner rather than shouting at him or her. Do not play blame games with him or her. If you will just continuously blame him or her then you will end up sad and bitter.
Trust – Trust goes a long, long way into the relationship. A partner who is always snooping around trying to pry into the other partner’s phone or computer is a person that is tiring to be with. It is totally suffocating to be with someone tries to find out each and everything you do. On the other hand, you must also deserve your partner’s trust. You must let him or her know that you will not break that trust. Trust and love goes hand in hand. If you are in a relationship but there is no trust there is no point in staying in the relationship. Without trust, you will feel scared and insecure all the time to the point of desperation and insanity.
Make time for intimacy – As the relationship grows sometimes we become too comfortable that we kind of forget how hot our partners were in the beginning. We would rather watch TV or sleep rather than have sex or cuddle with him or her. Sex does not have to be the same bone breaking sex you used to have at the start. It can be sweet and satisfying. Yes, if you must schedule sex. It might sound boring to some but it does work wonders if you prioritize sex. Sex sometimes tends to get lost in between busy work, having kids or getting a house or any other important thing you both have on your laps.
Accept that sex changes as well. As you both grow with each other, your needs may also change. It would never hurt to try something new and surprising to keep the heat alive in your relationship. You should learn to enjoy yourself with our partner even you have been together for many, many years and in turn you must also learn to continuously please your partner.
Surprise each other – Studies have shown that many people tend to cheat on their partners because of one hormone – dopamine. Dopamine gives you that pretty good feeling like you’re high in the beginning of a relationship. But once the relationship becomes familiar, dopamine gets low and is replaced by oxytocin, the bonding hormone. You feel bonded to your partner but you no longer feel the high or the craving you used to have when you guys first met and went out.
To continue being filled with dopamine, you must learn to surprise one another. You must continue to give gifts on anniversaries, yes, but more so you must do unusual things. Try travelling together. You must also give gifts out of the blue. Novelty helps keep you interested in your partner.
Never forget to be sweet – Sweetness is one of the most important thing that men and women look for in their partners. You must remember to say “I love you”. You must not forget how wonderful kissing is. Birthdays and anniversaries are moments that you should never take for granted. You may think that you’d rather stay at home to save money on his or her birthday but he or she will truly appreciate a little effort that you will put in.
Do not try to change your partner – Many girls (or boys) start a relationship with a person they are totally attracted to even though they know that they hate the person’s character and values. If you feel that you and this other person’s personality do not mesh, then do not start the relationship at all. But if you already are together, you must learn that before he or she became a part of your twosome, he or she was AN INVIDUAL WITH HIS OR HER OWN IDENTITY. You should not try to force him to change. If you want him to do something for you, try to do it for him or her as well and talk to him about it. If this solution is still not viable, you need to come into a compromise. You can work out your differences without trying to force a person to become someone else.
A Few Words of Wisdom
Love is a choice. Remember that. If you want to stay in love, you must learn to both play and work together. Life is full of other people out there but you chose this person to be with and he or she also chose you despite of others out there. Both you are two imperfect individuals and your relationship will never be perfect but it can be good. You need to choose to stay together no matter what. You must decide that your partnership can withstand all the fights and disagreements that world may hold.
Relationships is a mutual agreement that needs two people who are willing to weather it out in all the storms to come. Your partner should be your best friend, your lover and your partner for life.