Flirtation creates a mood of playfulness between you and a potential mate. But while some of us flirt with ease, others feel awkward and uncertain. If you belong to the latter camp, don’t despair the Love Queen is here to help with great flirting advice!
While the ability to flirt as naturally as you breathe is a gift you’re either born with or not, nearly everyone can learn at least a few basics steps of the social dance of flirtation.
Over the years, I have helped a few of my shyer friends gain the confidence to play the flirtation game.
My friend Susan told me that it felt a bit like learning how to swim—before you can do it yourself, you wonder how all of those other people stay miraculously afloat. But after you learn the skills, you begin to enjoy a sense of buoyancy derived from your newfound abilities. So think of these lessons as your practice strokes, the equivalent of holding on to the pool edge while learning your kicks.
Step-by Step Flirting Advice
Identify a potential flirting partner (PFP), then scan him/her as quickly and unobtrusively as possible. Without openly staring, engage your best skills of observation. Notice not only if your PFP wearing a wedding ring, but whether he or she seems relaxed and open, and therefore ready to flirt.
If he/she is with someone, what seems to be the relationship—are they on a date, conducting a business meeting or serving as each other’s wingmen or women? Don’t just assume that if the person is with someone of the opposite sex (or same sex for lesbians and gays!) that they are with a partner, its often just a friend, but be careful too!
Try to follow the direction of her or his gaze.
Notice whether they seem focused more on men or women
A person who appears very preoccupied with their phone may not be in the right mood to flirt. If your PFP’s focus is already engaged, your best option may be to select someone else.
b. Eye contact.
We’re not talking just yet about bedroom eyes. Just look at him or her in a friendly way. Notice if they maintain eye contact and offer a smile. If he or she does both of these things, that is an excellent sign. An extroverted PFP may follow up eye contact by approaching you to talk. But if your PFP fails to do so, it doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of interest. You may simply have targeted someone a bit on the shy side.
c. Verbal contact.
If you think your potential flirting partner is shy, but possibly interested in you, then it’s up to you to initiate a conversation. Your opening remark will set the tone for your conversation, so be careful to steer clear of negativity (if you’re at a bar, for instance, don’t complain about how weak the drinks are or how bad the service is). Don’t lose your nerve and ask them something so general (like directions to the nearest bus stop or whether the bar serves food) that they can’t tell you’re trying to flirt.
Compliments can be excellent icebreakers so long as they are not too suggestive. Also, notice if anything he or she is wearing lends itself to a conversational opening. I know people who have started chatting with men and women at parties based on the team name on a ball cap; a school ring; a band tour T-shirt; and even a tie depicting Bugs Bunny.
Try to keep the conversation lighthearted—after all, most of us seem more sexual attractive when we’re laughing and smiling than when we’re scowling.
d. Nonverbal signals during conversation.
Maintain friendly eye contact (but not an intense stare) while talking. Once you get good at this you can also use eye contact to signal interest by occasionally keeping eye contact just a little bit longer than normal. Smile and laugh when she/he makes a joke. Don’t let nervousness make you use closed body language like folding your arms in front of your chest. Lean a little closer to your PFP to convey your interest, but without encroaching on her or his personal space.
At the same time, notice non-verbal signals your PFP is sending. Does she/he look at you while conversing or seem to be scanning the rest of the room? Does he or she seem to want to continue the conversation as much as you do?
It’s very important to get a sense of whether your PFP reciprocates your interest. This is the stage where many people fail, either through overconfidence or lack of awareness of the other person’s intentions. When you’re not getting clear enough signals, try to clarify the situation before moving to step e.
For instance, after the conversation has gone on for a while, say how much you enjoy talking with him/her and say you hope the two of you can meet again at a later date. Notice if she or he seems interested and enthusiastic about this possibility or seems noncommittal.
If you receive strong positive signals, both verbally and through body language, initiate some light physical contact. For instance, you might lightly brush his or her hand or arm for emphasis during conversation. Notice the other person’s response. If they flinch or seem to draw back, you may have moved too quickly.
On the other hand, if he or she smiles upon receiving this touch and then performs a similar gesture toward you, then the two of you may be ready to move beyond flirting.
I hope that helps you, there is much more to come on topics like these including an interesting article on how to show someone you already know that you fancy them, without putting yourself out there too much! If you are a guy why not check out my article on how to attract wonderful women I will also write in more detail about body language tips.
The Love Queen