Does this really happen? I mean are there really sexless marriages?
The answer is, YES, THERE ARE.
Sad but true. There are many couples who look so happy together, but they keep a secret, they no longer share intimate moments together. Or worse there are couples who hate each other because they don’t have sex any more.
Many couples may deny it, but statistics don’t lie. There are marriages which exist without sex. But, it’s not a life sentence. This can still be fixed.
Causes of Sexless Marriages
So what really causes a couple who tore each other’s clothes off in the beginning reach a severe dip in sensuality that they rarely or don’t even have sex?
Anger at each other
Silently punishing the spouse
Many couples fall into this situation also because of over familiarity. We desire what we can rarely have. As the relationship progresses, we discover all the person is and there comes a point when there is nothing new to find out.
This makes the relationship boring and monotonous. Deep love and erotic desire can also work in different directions. Deep love is self-sacrificing, while erotic desire is a wanting, taking feeling that is selfish.
How Does Sexual Desire Work?
I recently stumbled on a book, The Language of Desire by Michael Fiore. I found really valuable information there about how lust and sensuality works.
Science tells us that lust comes from two hormones testosterone and dopamine. Testosterone is the main hormone that makes you feel sexually aggressive and dopamine gives you that high that you crave that person just like you would crave drugs. This person just drives you crazy that you just want him more and more!
However as the months pass, the bonding hormone, oxytocyn, which makes a person really loyal and bonded to someone becomes more apparent. Thus reducing the need for clothes-tearing moments.
How to Bring the Sizzle Back?
Michael Fiore gave a lof of juicy details on how to make your man or woman want you bad. It does matter if you’ve been together for months or years or even decades. You can make him or her want you back.
But I also made a list of stuff that fire up the cold engines once more.
1. The Art of Foreplay – Foreplay is not just for women, it is also for men. Women should know how to excite a man. A sexy lady should know how to tease him so bad, that he wants you so much.
But foreplay should not just be in the bedroom. It should also be present in those mundane moments of our lives. Like when he or she is working, and then you send him a sexy photo or a sexy text message.
2. Schedule Sex – Yes, you have to schedule sex. Contrary to popular belief, that sex should always be spontaneous, sex should be put down on the calendar and be given priority.
If you want to have sex, you have to really foresee yourself having sex. Aside from that, premeditated sex can also be sexy and erotic. It can boost your mood to just think about it.
3. Have sex in a new place – I know you’ve done it in the bedroom so many times that that place becomes a bore. Try doing it in the kitchen when the kids are asleep, the excitement of the thought of getting caught can really make things more spiced up.
Plan a sexy trip to an empty parking lot or a coffee shop bathroom. I know you may not be young any more, but adventure is key. No one is really old. Age is a number. If you want to make sex exciting, you must take risks.
4. Be mysterious – Take some time off from being a sweet and nice wife/mother/employee or the responsible husband/loving father role. You need to be the person you once were at times. Do not feel guilty for taking a long hot bath. You need it.
Your partner will desire you more if he or she can see you in a safe distance as you take your life as yours. Studies have shown that people see their partners most desirable when he or she is doing something passionate about.
5. Seek help – Asking for help from marriage counselors is not embarrassing. It helps both you and your partner to know how to find out which issues to address and how to address them.
I know sex is good..
Sex is important. And I know you want it. So get off your butts and plan something sexy.