Second Dates: How to Avoid the Romantic Version of the Sophomore Slump
Romantic comedy films tend to depict the period between first date and marriage proposal as a montage of clichéd happy couple moments. In real life, however, the second date is crucial. This is the time where you and your potential sweetie discover if you connect beyond buzz of flirting and physical attraction. Sometimes people who experience a sparkling first date together feel disappointment the second time around.
Generally second dates require more than the flirtation and chemistry that can create a magical first date.
Second dates are about learning whether the two of you can mesh as a friends and hangout companions.
Tip: A Second Date Mistake to Avoid…
Avoid the error of assuming too quickly that the two of you are a couple. In established relationships, partners often take turns focusing on one person’s interests, then the other’s. For example, I accompany the Love King to craft beer tasting events, although that sort beverage does nothing to excite my tastebuds. In return, he tags along on excursions to nurseries where I exclaim over new plants (which all look the same to him). This kind of trade-off takes some time to establish. My advice is that a second date should not be exclusively about one partner’s hobbies.
One excellent approach is building the second date around previously discovered similarities. If the two of you talked earlier about your mutual love of Indian food, science fiction and bowling, plan your second date around one or more of those interests.
Choose a great place for your second date
If you both love to read, visit a bookstore together and show each other some of your favorite novels, playing a sort of intellectual game of show and tell. This also works well with music and films. It’s very important to emphasize areas of mutual interest. Neither person should feel at this point that he or she is making a sacrifice in order to spend time with the other one.
Another option to try a new activity together which appeals to both of you. Maybe you’ve both been wanting to take a climbing class at a local gym. Or perhaps you’ve both always wanted to check out a Renaissance fair or a rodeo. Sharing a new experience together can feel like a shared adventure, creating a bond between you and your date.
Tip: An unusual way to bond on a date…
You and your date might want to get nostalgic together. Perhaps your earlier conversations revealed some enthusiasm each of you had in college or earlier that you haven’t done in years. Revisiting that activity together can be fun, permitting you both to re-connect with your teenage or childhood self. Plus, this kind of activity can offer opportunities for sharing memories about growing up.
Ideally, at least part a good second date should take place in a setting conducive to conversation. If the two of you decide to attend a concert or a movie, plan a second phase for the date in another location. You can share observations about what you just watched, as well as share information about yourselves which permits you to begin to establish a friendship.
Tip: Leave your friends at home!
It’s usually best to get together one-on-one for the second (as well as the third) date. It’s easier to allow opportunities for flirtation and playfulness to arise when you’re interacting directly with each other. Also, meeting each other’s friends can add too much complication at this stage. Best to save socializing with each other’s pals until a later date.
Second date safety
People vary in how quickly they establish trust and intimacy. Gauge your comfort level with the person you’re dating carefully. Many people prefer to maintain some safety precautions during a second date, such as making sure to meet in a public space rather than on a hiking trail or at either person’s abode. It’s wise to listen to your own intuition on this score.
I hope you found my second date advice helpful. Enjoy your second date and good luck! Or read on to learn some valuable psychological tricks and tips that can be applied to first, second and third dates.
The Love Queen